Little white lies: we all tell them. Sometimes they make life easier and the world a prettier place, other times they blow up in our face. When you're in a relationship, honesty is important, but sometimes it is literally the worst policy. Like, one time, I told my cat that I had tuna flavored Whiskas Temptations for him, but they were actually Seafood Medley. It was a very quiet and lonely 3 weeks until he got over it. But enough about the cats, we're talking about those lies you tell the second most important individual in your life: the boyfriend. Some of these lies are selfless, some of them are selfish, but I'm betting that you've been guilty of at least a few of them!
1. I'm almost ready
By now, you've got to know this one is a lie. It's not an intentional one, but "five minutes" means 15.
Translation: I'm bloated and gassy and don't really feeling like hanging out and farting on you all night.
3. It was on sale
Often, this is technically not a lie, it's just that we probably have different ideas of what a sale is. You might think that if it's 50% off and under 40 dollars, it's on sale. We consider "buy one Michael Kors tote at regular price and receive a free wristlet," or "buy over $100 worth of Sephora products and get a $5 gift card" a bargain.
This can said be in reference to both male and female friends, and especially about a guy's mother, but it always means the same: "I'm terrified of being the jealous girlfriend stereotype, so I will hide my true emotions, and instead pee in your Gatorade."
Just kidding about the last part. Probably.
Guys aren't the only ones who use this line. We're out with our friends, and, at that moment, knocking back sangria is more interesting than your fantasy football stats.
This is a bad one, and I can't tell you exactly why we say it (probably because we're also lying to ourselves). It is not uncommon for us to utter this untruth, only order an appetizer, and then we expect you to share half of your main with us, or we steal all of your fries 20 minutes later. No matter what, always order extra.
So we had too many vodka-crans and told all your friends that your 'O' face looks like Steve Buscemi.
Later, we realized it was a mistake to speak such a truth out loud. "I was just kidding" is an attempt to do damage control so you don't maneuver us into doggy style ever time we have sex.
If you had to ask the question, the simple answer is that we probably are mad. But for us, there are many conditions on the anger spectrum, such as 'frustrated,' 'sooo pissed,' 'ticked-off,' 'mad at the situation,' 'annoyed,' and many more. Don't worry, you'll find out exactly which one we are a few hours after you ask.
10. I didn't do much last night, just watched Netflix
Translation: You were busy and it was the day before my period, so I masturbated furiously to anything on Tumblr tagged as "erotic."
Or we may have actually just watched Netflix. Benedict Cumberbatch really does it for some of us.
Here is where it gets tricky. Most of the time this is true. But this is also how a girl describes any guy she used to hook up with but who still inhabits her social circle.
This applies to the girl whose boyfriend comes over to her house and eats everything. I can't count the times I have hidden chicken nuggets in my vegetable drawer and told my boyfriend that they were all gone.
Some of us use this lie to spare your feelings on those nights when we'd prefer to just lie on the couch with you while compulsively shoving Doritos down our throats and binge watching Making a Murderer.
Either a) it's true, or b) you have expressed some weird dick insecurities that have made her feel the need to stretch the truth. If you sit around the average of 5.5 inches, I'm sure you can tell which one it is.
This is not so much a lie that comes out of our mouth as it is a myth we expect you to believe when you come over and we're wearing yoga pants and no bra. You are most likely looking at the result of carefully applied 'natural' lip/cheek stain and B&B cream. There is also probably some kind of texturizing agent in our hair.
Some girls are honest about this, but some just don't want to intimidate you with the silicon, glass, or aluminum ticklers, pocket rockets, vibrators, or shell shockers that inhabit our underwear drawer. Maybe one day, when the trust is there, you'll be introduced.
![12. There's no more [insert delicious food here]](https://lh3.googleusercontent.com/blogger_img_proxy/AEn0k_v2mEJ_WPb2GVF6dp9ofeweiaQJFs1491AkrggbMqhGLTtgbZCaax5QQ8EHUOPSSaEliAid7WbA4a1djEjxxCXL39InS4j7in9w4ynHmqSyhDDiNRXv1uZdrpo78FeIzx667-k61jvH7DmCEZnZMYVWM5nBXsPSRUw=s0-d)
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